Without gratefulness and appreciation. That's what I mostly feel being a leader of a successful Guild, that I'm proud of and at times, enjoy leading. It would have been the best experience I could cherish if it weren't for the few people who ruin it for you, constantly questioning what you could do. It takes a lot of control to not just break down after logging off in the game. Doing the very best you can is always never enough. And only a few people of the lot you helped in the game know how to extend their appreciation. As in customer service, if there is one you weren't able to help the way they wanted to, they'd tell it to 20 people more. And those you help, though appreciative, only tells it to 10 people. How big the number is in the gap, that it would really be a loss if you fail to help just one of your members. The latter would never be able to keep up.

Efforts are always never enough and trying to please all is everyone's mistake. Imagine trying to please 200 people under you. Welcome to my world. Functioning as a leader, a mother, a confidant, an authority, and an enemy. It is just too much for me to take. Having to set ground rules, forums, message boards, strategies for quests, answering questions, working on the website, and befriending everyone so that we are one happy Guild, which cannot always happen. It is such a sad thing that I found out about this fact when I was already at my point of breaking down.

Leading my Guild has taken its toll, not just in my playing, but sadly also in my being. Guilding made me forget to function as who I am in real life. It has taken out the fun in gaming, with all the pressure in planning and quite interestingly, in-game politics. People in all walks of life, there's no better way in meeting them than in the game. This what I've come to conclude after retiring as a Guild Leader. In reality, this is already a second job, one that requires you more than what you need to have in your real-time job. But this time, you're left alone to deal with your funds, as this is with no paycheck.

Emotionally drained and exhausted I am after leaving that position. I have friends and people I treasure in the game as they helped me a lot. It is such a hard thing to do to act as a middleman between arguing members. Favoritism isn't something that you're allowed to do, as with reality. Acting as a friend or a ruler, this is one thing which leaves me indecisive. Either way, you hurt yourself and someone. Much more cold-hearted you have to be to kick a friend out of a Guild. As with rules, no one is ever above it, even me. This is something that all of you have set up and agreed to abide by. Loot and ethics rules are the god's word in game, never to be broken, and those who dare are punished accordingly.

Though it seems that I had never once a good experience in my three years of leading(not just in WoW but in Ever Quest 2 as well), as with yin yang, there's also a good side to it. This balance was what made me last that long. Though it took a toll in me as a person, what it mostly contributed was my growth as a leader. Managing that much number of people had me always polishing my managing and people skills. Dealing with different kinds of people gave me that extra skill - to predict what individuals with a certain personality would most likely do next and what they're really interested in. In here, I learned to be a credible authority and how to handle conflicts, if not well, then good enough. To give credit to those who deserve it is just as important as kicking out rebellious members.

I never regret being a Guild leader as it took out all the worst and best in me. With it, I cried, I laughed, it's one hell of a roller coaster ride! I can't say I enjoyed every part of it, but it passed being an enjoyable experience. A ride that took me everywhere and taught me mostly everything about life, but which I'll never ride again.